Present As You Seek Infamy

Every evening, I ask myself one question… Where’s the news tonight?

On this evening, I thought that question could remain unanswered. The streets were vacant. The venues were vacant. Several churches and synagogues this weekend will have superior energy. Why was this? Park Street Festival was last weekend… Ohio State students have vanished… Opposing activities were occurring… Any reason is sensible… No reason is sufficient…

If you’ve read this website (and I know you have), Drink with a Lodge Bar employee night is an identifiable phrase. When last call echoed this evening, Lodge Bar employees were the only identifiable people… Trevor Day… Joe Information… Mike Material… The contingent was superb… However, Lodge Bar prefers this contingent’s alone presence prior to the venue opening…

While Lodge Bar’s night was regrettable, Matt Delight’s sentences were spectacular… He mocks his colleagues and this nation’s premiere comedy writers should applaud… He offers insight about the opposite sex and those who penned proverbs cringe… I know I typed he has never spent one second not amused with the thoughts in his own head… When those thoughts are spoken aloud, a column material encyclopedia is available…

Whereas Matt Delight was Lodge Bar’s lone highlight, Park Street Patio accrued their third consecutive victory. I know what you’re thinking… I said every venue was vacant and victory is utilized? This was not an evening when one venue survived an incomprehensible competition… Park Street Patio governed an evening when they were merely adequate…

Since our initial encounter, Jamie Precious has accrued four column appearances… You would assume one would run out of adjectives and then you realize the obvious… There are spectacular bunnies who are forgotten in five minutes and there are bunnies who speak for five minutes and are unforgettable… Jamie is the latter…

In a contrasting manner, Mia Charisma is another unforgettable slinger… Mia isn’t the precocious showcase… She isn’t the scandalous provocateur… She is simply an off the rack perfection… If the choice is the glitzy slinger who struts or the subdued slinger whose soul is visible within their eyes, Mia is the selection… Her soul is exquisite…

On Saturday, Lodge Bar Assistant General Manager Trevor Day raised expectations and won… Tonight, Sugar Bar Promotions Superstar Avi Primetime attempted a similar speculation… And speculation reestablished it’s definition… Sugar Bar was only buzzing… No section ever challenged or equaled swarmed…

And Sugar Bar’s evening deteriorated further… A fight ensued which included four security personnel, three randoms, two police officers, and a heifer in a tutu (and no that’s not the conclusion of a joke)… Conflicting reports exist concerning the scrap itself… According to witnesses, two women commenced fighting… Their boyfriends intervened… Security and police intervened… A Sugar Bar security person was inadvertently pepper sprayed in the mele…

Mia Charisma, Matt Delight, and Jamie Precious were excellent conversations… However, the preceding paragraph illustrates why my exit is never early… If I had learned about this incident via someone else, I would have remained regretful… I abhor missing the news…

Talent, Truffles Present Material Treasure

Column material isn’t obvious. Column material doesn’t introduce itself via an engraved invitation. It must be conceptualized, examined, polished, and resolved. It’s availability must match it’s omnipresence.

Theoretically, Thursday Night Live was this evening’s subject. I would discuss the third edition of our series, but the recapitulation would resemble a comprehensive analysis of the Manny Pacquiao-Ricky Hatton contest… It would be brief and brutal…

This was not two weeks ago when Sugar Bar scored victory, despite their random recital… This evening, Sugar Bar’s platinum bunnies were spectacular… Lodge Bar’s population was nonexistent… If the Detroit Red Wings and Pittsburgh Penguins needed a vacant venue in which to discuss strategy prior to their game seven skirmish, they could have utilized Lodge Bar…

Thankfully, Maxwell captured my interest amidst the silence… It’s not as if I unaware of Maxwell… He is a former WNCI host, I had heard his show, and we know several of the same people… What turned a three-minute grip and gab (that’s a handshake and hello to those of you without imagination) into a one-hour conversation was the insight and vision he articulated…

For six months, I’ve discussed this city’s miniscule market mentality… Maxwell shares my premise… We spoke for ten minutes… twenty minutes… And his words continued illustrating my thoughts… Why aren’t more premiere events staged in this city? Why isn’t this city capitalizing on it’s talent? Why shouldn’t those with talent and vision attempt to transform this city’s mindset? The dialogue was informative and intense…

I’ve had conversations with superstars that make me appreciate their talent… I’ve had conversations with superstars where ideas are concocted… Maxwell and I’s conversation motivated me to advance several of our ideas and made me value his exponential talent… Maxwell is brilliant, but brilliant is a trait shared by several in our city… It’s Maxwell’s unlimited vision which shocked my attention…

While Lodge Bar’s virtually vacant main room allowed Maxwell and I to converse, DJ AAA squandered several impressive moments in the silence… From “Break the Ice” to “I Love College,” AAA spun selections that everyone enjoys, that everyone likely indulges inside the privacy of their vehicle, but that never score space on a set list… It is unfortunate that the venue’s décor was his principal spectator…

Now, I know what you’re thinking… Three sentences prior I utilized the phrase virtually vacant, meaning a minimal audience must have been present… Minimal in numbers… Maximum in mass… This is where I return to the unfairness of comparing Lodge Bar and Sugar Bar… Sugar Bar had miniature morsels such as Brie (a future fashion show participant) on their stage… Lodge Bar had, as one bouncer phrased it, more beautiful creatures on their walls than on their dance floor…

Since I mentioned the bouncer, who I spoke with frequently, yet whose name escapes me (I apologize), I must compliment him on his aptitude… I have thirty conversations a night in this city, most are entertaining, but rare is the conversational participant who can spar with me as I praise platinum bunnies and scorch heifers… This bouncer was my equal…

From his beautiful creatures comment to stating the obvious (Sugar scored the bunnies, Lodge scored the dust bunnies), he equaled and occasionally exceeded my saucy and searing commentary on the calamity that was the venue’s crowd… In fact, there was only one moment I can remember where he was overmatched… As we both stared toward a platinum bunny, he stated that she was a diamond among coal… I responded she was more accurately a truffle amongst the pig excrement…

Over four hours, one venue was scattered. Another venue was swarmed. No storyline was obvious. Yet, a bouncer, a mixer, and a premiere talent provided column material.

Reasons to Relish & Resign

People don’t appreciate the human aspect of this website. The bunny chasers and bunnies, their random actions and fashion, are column material, but they are vastly anonymous. The venues are column material, but they are vastly inanimate. It’s the natural slingers, the camaraderie and friendship, the moments you read and the stories you never will, that make this website.

Tonight, Thursday Night Live experienced it’s second edition. I promise we will discuss the occurrences and results… However, this was an evening when winners were nonexistent. This was an evening when the squad atop the scoreboard didn’t defeat their opponents; they merely outscored them.

While the clutches were scattered and unmemorable, DJ Legend and DJ Samurai were exquisite. Last week, DJ Samurai was patterned and predictable. This evening, DJ Legend’s creativity was equaled… DJ Legend mixed “Love Story” dance remix… DJ Samurai responded with an “Other Side” dance remix. DJ Legend spun “How Do You Sleep” and “Summer Girls.” DJ Samurai responded with “Poker Face” over the “Rocky Theme.”

The clash was an auditory delight. If only the crowd could have merited this skirmish… Pre-game, Lodge Bar appeared to enjoy a minimal advantage. In-game, Sugar Bar scored the initial round, although their swarm induced wincing (and only some of it was mine)… Particularly putrid was their stage, which was inhabited by an amount of weight not seen since the NFL Draft’s top ten selections…

While the heifers were horrific, Emily Rose Perfection’s presence made their repulsiveness invisible. I know I typed that Emily Rose is my favorite Lucky Charm… She may be (although she has a crush of competition) my favorite platinum bunny, venue employee or non-employee, in this city… It’s not simply her fashion (green and white top, form flattering white shorts)… It’s not simply her eighteen carat personality… It’s not simply her thirty-six carat appearance… It’s the elegant, precocious, and scandalous combination of the trio…

From the moment she arrived to the moment she messed up my hair, Emily’s glamour and magnetism were omnipresent… I typed this once with another superstar, but at this moment, the verbiage is transferable… You think ultimately, I would run out of adjectives for her, but every moment, Emily Rose’s personality amazes me…

In the second round, the crowd continued to disappoint me… While Sugar Bar scored the sequence on numbers, Lodge Bar possessed almost every platinum bunny (except Emily Rose)… The venues were polar opposites with similar attributes… Lodge Bar with every morsel and zero mass… Sugar Bar with an impressive mass and zero morsels…

Since I mentioned morsels, I must spend several sentences adoring Sugar Bar Promotions Superstar Whitney Allure, who has accomplished in six evenings, what some bunnies amass six weeks attempting… She has captivated and ensorcelled my attention…

It’s not merely her appearance, which is understatedly scrumptious… It is her intoxicating personality, which compels one to flirt with her, respect her, snuggle with her, and speak with her… You spend five minutes with Whitney; you want to spend twenty minutes… You spend twenty minutes with her; you want to spend twenty hours…

With this evening’s masses, I wanted to spend about thirty seconds less than thirty seconds… Sugar Bar completed their domination and scored a shutout… However, they should not salute or savor this triumph… If this were last week or Lodge Bar could have scraped together (and by scraped together, I mean admit anyone they could find) a crowd, Sugar Bar’s random recital might not have sufficed…

As the evening concluded, my twitter updates abruptly concluded, when I heard the most incomprehensible news… Crown Princess Kadi and Lodge Bar have separated… Crown Princess Kadi was this website’s initial superstar… She was the most referenced superstar and the first person I dealt with on an everyday basis… Her exodus is not merely disheartening…. Her exodus is devastating…

As I walked Vine Street at the conclusion of my evening, I strode with two thoughts… The first was obvious; this will likely be Crown Princess Kadi’s final mention in my column… The second was much more complex…

In the eyes and minds of venue executives, the natural slingers are akin to cattle… They are acquired, raised, and slaughtered without compassion or concern… In my eyes, they are the entire attraction… They are not a reason this website succeeds… They are the reason…

Champions Commence Thursday Night Live

While no one watched, two champions prepared. They assigned their employees… They discussed strategy and tactics… They prepped their entrances… They reviewed their procedures… Their work was rote, tedious, and unappreciated… Yet, everyone labored with the knowledge that this work could win or lose the evening…

As Thursday Night Live commenced, Sugar Bar was scattered… Amidst a conversation with Shawn Money (who I had several conversations with throughout the evening), I observed a line that was noticeable, yet was confined within ten feet… One week ago, the awaiting masses consumed half a block…

The clutches may have been random… However, the platinum bunnies were spectacular… Whether they were flirting with Shawn Money, as one twenty-year-old was or consuming free drinks in the walkway, as an exquisite, black dress bunny was, the visual obliterated any concerns or thoughts about the average arrivals…

Upon my arrival at Lodge Bar, their crowd was also sluggish… This provided me an opportunity to speak with Joe Information, whom I’ve mentioned previously… our wide ranging conversation (our conversations are consistently wide ranging) covers the evening and of all subjects boxing… It’s what I value about the closeness of my relationships with various employees; you are constantly scoring insights into their personalities… (Although Joe’s insight, his hatred of Floyd Mayweather, is ridiculous)…

For Lodge Bar’s first quarter, boxing is the appropriate metaphor… Lodge Bar didn’t win the first round…. However, they weren’t embarrassed either… Their crowd was expanding and respectable… And their bunnies and platinum bunnies were noticeable… As I returned to Sugar Bar for the second stanza, I knew this night could be interesting…

One hour into our twitter coverage, Sugar Bar’s exterior met anyone’s expectations… The line threatened to extend into an alley… As for Sugar Bar’s interior, the dance floor was crushed… There wasn’t visible space… There weren’t walkways… There was simply a cascade of people grinding and shaking….

When a venue’s population increases, I typically count this as wanted… Unfortunately, as I stared toward the collection of heifers and randoms which inhabited Sugar Bar’s dance floor, I reconsidered my entire thought process… Essentially, Sugar Bar swapped their first frame platinum bunnies for second frame total population… Population is population is population and population is needed… Yet, platinum bunnies are not negotiable…

Also not negotiable was Lodge Bar’s vastly improved second quarter… While their dance floor was vacant (which is rare for this venue), their upper and lower bars were swarmed and their walkway was virtually impassable… I stood and viewed the ever expanding crush from several angles and each screamed similar affirmations… This was Lodge Bar’s quarter…

Seconds ago (unless you are a very slow reader), I mentioned that the dance floor was vacant… The bunnies may not have been grinding, but they were present and scrumptious… I know you’re reading this and thinking, how much of a factor was the primping sex in my round by round evaluation… I’ll respond with this… They weren’t the factor, but when the total population is even, bunnies win the contest…

Another factor was DJ Legend, who completely overmatched DJ Samurai… Now, I will say this without hesitation, I sincerely respect DJ Samurai… He possesses skills… Unfortunately, his song selections never change… You can set your blackberry alarm by them… The rotation never alters… The sequence never wavers… I can recount his set list and I don’t even have to attend the event…

Conversely, DJ Legend is eclectic and exquisite… Whenever he spins, I know I will hear sequences or songs I haven’t or I never thought possible… Tonight’s marquee moment, another brilliant exhibition, was “Clothes Off” and “When I Grow Up” played consecutively… You don’t think of either as club or dance selections necessarily, but the pairing was perfect…

As Sugar Bar’s third quarter commenced, random was an apt description… From the overly tattooed female passed out in an alley to the heifer who walked past wearing a camouflage dress, the venue’s swap of quality for quantity continued… Obviously, numbers are important… But, any venue can rack up numbers… It’s the impression those numbers make…

The impression the venue’s interior made was incredible… The dance floor and lower mezzanine transcended crushed… And the stage was as crammed as I had ever witnessed… I knew a moment would occur, a moment always occurs, when one of these venues would draw a line and challenge the other… This was that moment… It took me less than three minutes to return to Lodge Bar with one thought… Could they respond?

Yes is the emphatic reaction… I entered the venue and immediately observed the obvious… The walkway was impassable… The dance floor was crushed… The upper and lower bars were crushed… The stage was crushed… Lodge Bar had taken Sugar Bar’s virtual flourish and responded with a shot to the mouth which would have made Manny Pacquiao applaud…

Eventually, I negotiated the crush and relocated to left of the stage… The platinum bunny visual was spectacular… They were dancing, they were singing, they were grinding… They were canoodling and coercing every chaser they could make eye contact with… Even the random basketball jersey wearers I referenced on twitter… Even one of them collected a cupcake…

When I returned to Sugar Bar, their crowd was scattering… The stage remained swarmed… However, the couch klatch and the lower mezzanine were reduced… The cove was almost vacant… As I shared consecutive shots with Avi Primetime and Shawn Money, the outcome wasn’t announced… It wasn’t conceded… But, it was implicit and understood… Despite the two premiere male promoters in this city, Sugar Bar would lose…

And they did… Lodge Bar was equally scattered as their conclusion arrived… Yet, their dance floor and upper and lower bars maintained the crowd required… their championship label had been thoroughly challenged… But, the championship remained within their hands…

While no one watched, two champions culminated their evening… One had endured an onslaught and survived… One remained proud and unashamed… As both cleaned and counted cash, scoured and swept, they labored with one universal thought… Rematches and victory within them are always possible…

Thursday Night Live

Since Gossip CBUS commenced, Lodge Bar and Sugar Bar have split Thursday. Sugar Bar governed early. Lodge Bar has owned recently. Tomorrow night, we enhance their competition. Who will win?

On this city’s signature evening, get out, drink, read our tweets, and reaction. Until last call, you know you love me…