Uninformed Crowd Celebrates Unknown Holidays

Franklin County’s Hispanic-American population is 2.2%. Ninety-seven percent of our residents have no connection with Cinco de Mayo. They are unaware the holiday commemorates the Mexican Army’s victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla. They merely view the occasion as an opportunity to get drunk.

Judging McFadden’s crowd upon my arrival, the opportunity isn’t that important. The crowd was notable… The venue wasn’t vacant… Still, one could enjoy a conversation, hear themselves think, order and receive a drink within one minute, and walk freely across both level’s floors… Activities that are virtually impossible on McFadden’s greatest nights…

Thankfully, the crowd’s late arrival (and they would arrive) provided me an opportunity to speak with McFadden’s Promotions Superstar Amy, who I relish talking with. I know I’ve discussed other promotions superstars and it’s not that Amy’s more talented… It’s her personality… A brilliant blend of colleague and confidant… She is someone you can spend forty minutes with switching from life to work and back again in alternating sentences…

And tonight’s forty minutes were appreciated, because they allowed the crowd to improve… I exited our conversation and returned to the second level where the crowd was now buzzing… It wasn’t a signature McFadden’s crowd, as I spoke with Anastasia, one of McFadden’s greatest bartenders and the first bartender to serve me a drink in this city, the four tasks I mentioned earlier, were becoming more difficult…

As the influx progressed, the Lucky Charms (you didn’t think I would make it through a McFadden’s column without mentioning them…) prepared… Obviously, preparation is inherent with any facet of venue activity… However, watching Garren prep her beer tub was watching a pitcher prep the mound on the day of their critical start… Her expression was serious… Her movements were precise… She wanted the table a certain place, the chairs a certain way… The intricacy was incredible…

Speaking of incredible, I also couldn’t let a McFadden’s column conclude (and don’t worry we have a few paragraphs after this) without mentioning my favorite charm (typed it again) Emily Rose… Her pre-jello shot sale preparation consisted of debating whether or not to wear Dustin’s sombrero… After she decided against it, she sold the shots with her typical blend of audacity and charm… (I’m assuming Emily has never been accused of shyness)…

Contrasting Emily’s charm were the heifers whose numbers increased as McFadden’s crowd expanded… On both levels, in every area, there was more blubber present than the last Discovery Channel wale special… And their fashion was even worse… Peculiar colors… Random patterns… No less than fifty instances, I wanted to walk up to one of these and asked a simple question… Who shot my couch or my curtains or my bedspread?

Now, I know I will receive comments or e-mails, so let me type this (something I have been meaning to type previously)… I’ve been asked the question whether or not I don’t think heifers have a right to a social life… They absolutely have the right… However, I have the right to mock them… I have the right to point out that they should skip the forth doughnut or the second carton of ice cream or they should watch the Style Network… If they are trotting themselves into public dressed absurdly and appearing absurdly, I have the right to call their dress and appearance what they are…

As I exited McFadden’s en route to the second Dos de Mayo (which is ironically another holiday) celebration, I walked two thoughts… If this was Cinco de Mayo pre-game, what will Tuesday actually include… And did my couch, curtains, and bedspread pass away quickly or did they suffer?