Reasons to Relish & Resign

People don’t appreciate the human aspect of this website. The bunny chasers and bunnies, their random actions and fashion, are column material, but they are vastly anonymous. The venues are column material, but they are vastly inanimate. It’s the natural slingers, the camaraderie and friendship, the moments you read and the stories you never will, that make this website.

Tonight, Thursday Night Live experienced it’s second edition. I promise we will discuss the occurrences and results… However, this was an evening when winners were nonexistent. This was an evening when the squad atop the scoreboard didn’t defeat their opponents; they merely outscored them.

While the clutches were scattered and unmemorable, DJ Legend and DJ Samurai were exquisite. Last week, DJ Samurai was patterned and predictable. This evening, DJ Legend’s creativity was equaled… DJ Legend mixed “Love Story” dance remix… DJ Samurai responded with an “Other Side” dance remix. DJ Legend spun “How Do You Sleep” and “Summer Girls.” DJ Samurai responded with “Poker Face” over the “Rocky Theme.”

The clash was an auditory delight. If only the crowd could have merited this skirmish… Pre-game, Lodge Bar appeared to enjoy a minimal advantage. In-game, Sugar Bar scored the initial round, although their swarm induced wincing (and only some of it was mine)… Particularly putrid was their stage, which was inhabited by an amount of weight not seen since the NFL Draft’s top ten selections…

While the heifers were horrific, Emily Rose Perfection’s presence made their repulsiveness invisible. I know I typed that Emily Rose is my favorite Lucky Charm… She may be (although she has a crush of competition) my favorite platinum bunny, venue employee or non-employee, in this city… It’s not simply her fashion (green and white top, form flattering white shorts)… It’s not simply her eighteen carat personality… It’s not simply her thirty-six carat appearance… It’s the elegant, precocious, and scandalous combination of the trio…

From the moment she arrived to the moment she messed up my hair, Emily’s glamour and magnetism were omnipresent… I typed this once with another superstar, but at this moment, the verbiage is transferable… You think ultimately, I would run out of adjectives for her, but every moment, Emily Rose’s personality amazes me…

In the second round, the crowd continued to disappoint me… While Sugar Bar scored the sequence on numbers, Lodge Bar possessed almost every platinum bunny (except Emily Rose)… The venues were polar opposites with similar attributes… Lodge Bar with every morsel and zero mass… Sugar Bar with an impressive mass and zero morsels…

Since I mentioned morsels, I must spend several sentences adoring Sugar Bar Promotions Superstar Whitney Allure, who has accomplished in six evenings, what some bunnies amass six weeks attempting… She has captivated and ensorcelled my attention…

It’s not merely her appearance, which is understatedly scrumptious… It is her intoxicating personality, which compels one to flirt with her, respect her, snuggle with her, and speak with her… You spend five minutes with Whitney; you want to spend twenty minutes… You spend twenty minutes with her; you want to spend twenty hours…

With this evening’s masses, I wanted to spend about thirty seconds less than thirty seconds… Sugar Bar completed their domination and scored a shutout… However, they should not salute or savor this triumph… If this were last week or Lodge Bar could have scraped together (and by scraped together, I mean admit anyone they could find) a crowd, Sugar Bar’s random recital might not have sufficed…

As the evening concluded, my twitter updates abruptly concluded, when I heard the most incomprehensible news… Crown Princess Kadi and Lodge Bar have separated… Crown Princess Kadi was this website’s initial superstar… She was the most referenced superstar and the first person I dealt with on an everyday basis… Her exodus is not merely disheartening…. Her exodus is devastating…

As I walked Vine Street at the conclusion of my evening, I strode with two thoughts… The first was obvious; this will likely be Crown Princess Kadi’s final mention in my column… The second was much more complex…

In the eyes and minds of venue executives, the natural slingers are akin to cattle… They are acquired, raised, and slaughtered without compassion or concern… In my eyes, they are the entire attraction… They are not a reason this website succeeds… They are the reason…