Cool Kids, Sugar Bar Enjoy, Exude “It”

When I am writing, I know when I have it. When I enter a venue, I know if they have it. It is exclusive, incomprehensible, unequaled ability.

Upon my arrival at Sugar Bar, I knew they had it. The venue was crushed. It’s not as if I hadn’t ventured into the venue, past the awaiting masses previously. However, tonight’s awaiting masses consumed half a block. They occupied a complete sidewalk, a partial sidewalk, and an alley.

Inside Sugar Bar, the crowd was equally impressive. The lower mezzanine and dance floor were crushed. The couch klatch was swarmed. As I have said, Sugar Bar’s best nights are defined through impassability and this evening once again reaffirmed that formula… If one entered and immediately settled upon a prime dance floor position, they should not sacrifice it…

Amidst observing this crush, I spoke with several Sugar Bar superstars and the topic most broached was why this evening exceeded the previous evening… Everyone agreed the weather was the principal reason… However, two other possible factors surprised me… Wednesday night was blamed (as if to compensate for the promoters) and the popularity of the Cool Kids over Fall Out Boy was highlighted… Fall Out Boy is a Grammy nominated group with three Hot 100 singles… The Cool Kids are two artists with a My Space page… You explain it…

One aspect, which required zero explanation, was the dance floor, which was crushed from commencement to conclusion… From the stage, which alternated bunny clutches seemingly every five minutes to several corners to the railing below the upper mezzanine… The energy, exuded by the bunnies and stimulated by the bunny chasers, was palpable…

Since I mentioned bunnies, the population of the primping sex was extremely scattered… Everyone’s heard that phrase that includes the words “there is a fine line between…” Tonight, there wasn’t a fine line… There was a gorge which required air travel… The contrast between the bunnies and their potentially branded cattle opposites was striking…

The bunnies who were present were spectacular… The silver charm bunny, clad in a shimmering black and ice dress, who I saw dancing in a minimum of three locations… The pair of blue bunnies who owned the upper mezzanine’s cage… The stripes over teal bunny, who appeared on the stage twice… The off white bunny, who danced close enough below the mezzanine that I could touch her…

Each were exemplary… Unfortunately, their counterparts were as random as the musical selections of DJ EV (I’ll return to him in a moment)… The heifers were not apocryphal… They were not hideous as the previous evening… They simply stole attention from the clutches where the attention should have been… They sought the spotlight, when the spotlight had settled upon someone else…

Speaking of the spotlight and a spotlight stealer… Throughout the evening, Sugar Bar flirted with their Donnie Wahlberg attendance… As I listened to music, I wondered how… DJ EV was mixing and spinning the most random mess since John McCain and Sarah Palin… Seventies songs… Eighties songs… “First of the Month” as a dance song… This only succeeds if the dance includes several shots at shot range…

Approximately midnight, the Cool Kids and their entourage arrived… Exactly as Fall Out Boy only twenty-four hours earlier, the duo was interactive and relaxed… They consumed alcohol, they grinded on bunnies, they toasted each other, they grinded on more bunnies… The duo never considered for a moment that they were the superstars… They simply devoured the adulation and attention…

Adulation and attention which emanated from the bunnies and bunny chasers which crushed the floor and the lower mezzanine and from the Cool Kid’s entourage, who took over the upper mezzanine… If Fall Out Boy enjoyed every moment of their interaction with this city, the Cool Kids enjoyed every second and they likely could have enjoyed additional hours…

While the ease of the Cool Kids’ crowd interaction slightly surprised me, their wardrobes surprised no one… A Detroit Pistons last decade “Bad Boys” shirt… An old Cleveland Cavaliers logo hat… An old Cleveland Cavaliers logo shirt… Four Cleveland Indians hats, each of which had a different logo… The ensembles were unsurprising and yet shocking simultaneously….

Now, I expect random and potentially ridiculous fashion from rappers… However, the frequency of this city’s random and overtly ridiculous fashion is nauseating me… Columbus needs a stylist… We need someone outside the entrance of every venue, who can be responsible for advising those who should have stepped outside their door, let alone attempted entry into a nightclub….

Since citywide stylists are likely an impossibility, allow me to craft some rules (and please pay attention)… If the outfit contains a sports logo more than three years old, do not wear it… If the outfit is a woefully out of date style, do not wear it… If the answer to the question, would my mother wear this, is yes, do not wear it… Do not, do not, do not wear any item that slips into one of these three categories (and honestly, there are another dozen categories that I could name, but I don’t have that kind of time)…

With inside one hour remaining until the venue closed, Kid Cudi stepped to the microphone… His words were not monumental… His words were more like a checklist to induce sound… Shout Out Lebron James (check)… Say you love Ohio (check)… Throw in some references that most won’t understand, such as a Honda Accord (check)… Scream (check)… Make the audience scream (double check)…

Cudi’s ambition was not a memorable sound bite… Cudi’s words were simply an appearance requirement… He appeared much more comfortable singing and grinding on one of the Sugar Bar dancers, who intriguingly was dressed in camouflage for the evening…

As Cudi spoke, the audience appeared only semi-interested… They continued their conversations… Some snapped pictures… But, the swarm of digital flashes was nothing when compared with Wahlberg… On that evening, the audience could have permanently blinded a herd of moose with their cameras… On this evening, the brightness was merely a momentary distraction…

With approximately fifteen minutes remaining in the evening, Sugar Bar Owner Chris Corso and Promotions Superstar Tori made their appearances… Dressed in elegant black and white, Tori appeared worth her typical eighteen carats… We hugged and shared our first conversation in two months… It didn’t take a conversation to remind me why I adore this bunny… Tori is the conversation you wait your evening for and the friend you wait your life for…

As electricity slowly scattered the intoxicated from their grinding into the night air, I stood in upper mezzanine, staring toward the vacant dance floor… Only moments prior, that dance floor and this venue had it… They already want it back…