Red Wings Obliterate Overconfident Blue Jackets

On January 3, 2003, Miami Hurricanes Quarterback Ken Dorsey endured a blind side hit… “He ain’t never been hit like that,” a Buckeyes’ fan said… As if they play flag football in Florida… On March 7, 2009, Rick Nash scored the Blue Jackets fifth of eight goals against the Red Wings… “Detroit’s never faced someone like Nash,” a Blue Jackets’ fan said… As if hockey were invented in Columbus…

Despite the arrogance of the previous statement (whose relevance will become apparent, I assure you), the anticipation and novelty of the Blue Jackets initial playoff contest was obvious… A Detroit pre-game playoff party would have drawn hundreds… The Blue Jackets brick bash drew thousands… From R Bar’s chaotic patio to the Frog Bear and Wild Boar’s plaza-palooza, the carnival atmosphere was epic. Game two had commenced with a nervous energy… Game three commenced with a frenetic certainty…

And then the Red Wings scored… No sooner had I commenced my initial conversation at Lodge Bar… No sooner had the vast majority of the fans completed “Let’s Go Jackets,” for the first time, Tomas Holmstrom found the puck at his feet and registered a gift goal… Despite multiple chances, the Blue Jackets never recorded an equalizer… The Red Wings, courtesy of Dan Cleary, recorded a second goal and concluded the period with a silencing advantage…

Amidst the Blue Jackets’ misery, I enjoyed that conversation I previously referenced with Lodge Bar Manager Mike… Now, I cannot state this with certainty, as I have not met every venue manager in this city, but from my experience, Lodge Bar’s management is the most intelligent… Mike and I’s conversation, which ranged from how deep a hot goalie can advance your franchise into the playoffs to the troubles of San Jose, was the random conversation one covets during a sporting event… It was the random conversation one craves to absolve the misery of your franchise collapsing before your very eyes…

Said collapse continued through the second period… Despite a still supportive Nationwide Arena crowd and a still energetic and hopeful Frog Bear and Wild Boar crowd, the Blue Jackets could not recover. They were outplayed, physically overmatched, and when Henrik Zetterberg walked alone toward the front of the net, the Blue Jackets were down 3-0. Anticipation… Hope… And a 3-0 second period deficit? It seemed unreasonable…

The Blue Jackets continued abysmal play afforded an opportunity to speak with Frog Bear and Wild Boar Promotions Superstar Jeff… We discussed the Gossip Awards, Mindy Hall’s appearance (which will be spectacular), and the superb performance of Fat Dog during the pre-game festivities… R Bar may have enjoyed the greatest crowd throughout this initial playoff incarnation… But, this city has never witnessed an event on the scale of Frog Bear and Wild Boar’s plaza-palooza (sorry I love the term)…

Speaking of R Bar, I ventured into the puck playground for the third period… The crowd was stellar… Throughout a period of near misses and despite an implausible scenario, the crowd continued hanging on every moment… They were finally rewarded when R.J. Umberger recovered from the huge hit he had sustained and scored the Blue Jackets first goal in more than 140 minutes… Alas, the Red Wings countered with an empty net salvo to win 4-1 and assume a 3-0 series stranglehold… Unfortunately, this is where my evening concludes…

Several of you have written, asking why my twitter updates stopped abruptly only minutes into postgame… The reason concludes this column where it commenced… As I stood alone, observing the Blue Jackets fans who were now entering the venue, I was accosted, harassed, and threatened by an individual… His statements were repugnant, untrue, and vile… But, he would not shut up…

In his warped and wretched mind, it didn’t matter his assertions were inaccurate, he was correct simply because he was speaking… He was the perfect epitome of this city and it’s franchise… Full of themselves, with very little reason to be…