Compete As Yourself, Succeed Like Them

America has become a “Swagga Like Us” culture. It’s all about capturing someone else’s attention and making them jealous… It’s all about challenging everyone with your personality and talent… This isn’t generation x… This is generation envy… It’s simply not enough to be part of the conversation… You must own the conversation…

Prior to my arrival for the Beta Pong Tournament, I had murky expectations… Beer Pong has it’s origins in bored people, who rather than sit and drink, decided to channel human’s innate desire for competition by tossing table tennis balls into plastic cups… In my lifetime, I have seen all manner of projectiles from golf balls to a Christmas ornament utilized for the purposes of beer pong… And as for the playing surface… A table tennis table, an old air hockey table, a piece of plywood laid across two saw horses…

I honestly could not predict what I would encounter as I walked past the registration table and up McFadden’s staircase to the second floor… I was both impressed and thrilled… The four tables appeared professional with numbers adorning each one… There was a side table, which sold a variety of Beta Pong shirts… There were typed and printed rules and brackets…

I knew I could expect more from McFadden’s than plywood and saw horses, but I didn’t expect the precise professionalism of Beta Pong, which as it happens, is a Worthington based company run by high school friends Nick Parsons, Derek Alford, Bijan Moazampour, and Drew Kitchen, all of whom are outstanding individuals… After talking to each one for five minutes, two facts were clear… These three understand the generation they are a part of and this evening would be incomparable…

After slight delays, due to registration, scheduling, and sequencing (which I assume is mostly due to the fact, and I didn’t know this also, that this was Beta Pong’s first actual tournament), the tournament commenced with twenty-five teams… As the swarm descended on the second floor, it only took one a moment to realize the obvious… McFadden’s was the perfect venue for this event…

Within minutes of the start, McFadden’s second floor was an audible and visual feast… As I said at the outset (but will expand upon now), human’s desire for competition is innate… Human’s desire to strut is also and with a brilliant backdrop of rap music, a crush of bunnies watching, and a torrent of trash talk, that is exactly what the participants proceeded to do… After ten minutes of tournament, McFadden’s was no longer the campus venue with relaxed rules… McFadden’s was the ultimate frat house…

Simultaneously, four pong tables had balls flying and beer disappearing… The collage resembled the opening two days of the NCAA Basketball tournament… Speaking of that tournament, North Carolina’s demolition of Villanova was on two screens overhead, as was the Blue Jackets narrow 5-4 shootout loss to the Nashville Predators… Competition and sports television not enough?

The exquisite blend of rap music served as the perfect soundtrack… While I’m honestly over DJ Lester’s continued worship of President Obama (the election’s over, you know), his competition compilation, which included “Blame It,” “I’m On A Boat,” and “Public Service Announcement” blared the perfect tone… The competitors tossed their balls, lip synched the lyrics, posed, preened, pounded their chests, and restated (constantly) their presence with authority… This emotion laced spectacle would have been enough to warrant ten paragraphs of praise… But, of course, there were bunnies…

Arrayed throughout McFadden’s… Arrayed amidst the beer pong participants was the crush of cuties we expect from this venue… From those texting their friends about the tournament, to those who captivated attention with their dancing, the colors and curves were delicious… Unlike last night, anyone would have been the perfect inspiration for multiple paragraphs… But, I choose to focus on a similar pair…

Now, I know I’ve discussed several previous bunnies, all of which are gorgeous, all of which have earned the praise they have received… With that said, I have always admired the off the rack bunny… What do I mean? I mean the bunny who is so perfect, that she appears as though she could awaken in the morning and with no visible effort, appear as perfect as you always witness…

Believe it or not, though it sounds implausible, it’s not and there were two textbook off the rack examples showcased this evening… The first a bambi bunny, wearing a scrumptious orange shirt, white sweater, and skinny jeans… She was elegant, the kind of bunny of who at a glance, makes your heart melt… The second example was Lucky Charm Brooke, whom I’ve mentioned previously… I know there are a collection of gorgeous charms, but again, Brooke is that exception… Watching her lip sync and grind and radiate perfection, you can’t imagine the girl has a flaw or has had a flaw ever…

As the tournament reached the quarterfinals and semi-finals, the action intensified… As with the NCAA Tournament, the electricity and excitement occurs in the initial rounds… The regional semi-finals, regional finals, national semi-finals, and national final have fewer combatants and contests, but the level of play is superb… This was the case in the Beta Pong Elite Eight and Final Four… The initial rounds took tantalizingly long to finish… These rounds took heartbeats to finish… Every throw was seemingly a splash… Every throw seemingly was part of a master plan, with one tandem outflanking the other…

With the final set to commence, the energy of McFadden’s, both upstairs and downstairs, at the bars, at the tables, and on the dance floor was stellar… The bunnies kept arriving… They kept dancing… And the Lucky Charms, led by Sytease and Brooke kept providing the incentive everyone craves… Even the newer Lucky Charms, Garin and Rae were exemplary… Although, and I don’t know this, it’s only what I’ve heard… Rae has apparently provided herself a nickname… Doesn’t she know only I am entitled to provide those…

The final, as with the semi-finals, was a brisk and climatic affair… As I tried to capture on twitter (although, pong doesn’t honestly translate to twitter), the final was a shot for shot contest… Pike and Feed the Cow spent twenty minutes silently screaming can you top this, before Pike sank the final shot, won $500 and the title… I spoke with one of the team members and we should have an interview with them in the next two days… In my possession now, I have the ball Pike used to sink the final shot… As for Beta Pong, this was their opening salvo… They have a second beer pong tournament scheduled for Lodge Bar next Saturday (and yes, we will cover it live)…

In HBO’s “The Wire,” Union Leader Frank Sabotka, anguished over the fate of his coworkers, opines “We used to make sh&& in this country, build sh%%. Now we just put our hand in the next guy's pocket.” The fact is this is the truth and I don’t blame older citizens if they lament this nation’s trajectory… However, as I said at the outset, younger citizenry has become generation envy… And clearly, Parsons, Moazampour, and Kitchen realize that the quickest route to someone envying you, is create something they have not…