Revenge of the Scourge

Mardi Gras is an exquisite contradiction. The event itself is magnificent… The celebration, culture, and concept are rich and unequaled. The event’s crowd is at best mixed and at worst putrid… For every bunny that attends, there are five societal lepers, who I swear, show up on this day thinking that they are something superior to what they have ever been…

Upon my arrival for their Mardi Gras spectacular, Lodge Bar’s crowd was outstanding… The composition of their crowd fit my above description… Now, before I go any farther, I must defend Lodge Bar (and this has nothing to do with the fact that Snowed Inn occurs Friday)… Their typical crowd is normally two-thirds bunny and one-third respectable looking bunny chasers… They are not a haven for skeeze (that’s another bar, who shall remain nameless)… But, this was Mardi Gras…

And never have I seen so many societal pariahs… A large, refrigerator shaped person in a shirt that read “I heart sluts…” A bald guy, whose head was tattooed, saying a girl was built like a mule… An Axl Rose wannabe, complete with the stovepipe hat… Every time I saw one of these people, I wanted to grab them, and remind them of the obvious… No matter how many future baby feeders they see and how many beads they give away, they had no chance of sex… None whatsoever…

Again, I like Lodge Bar, but these scrubs, clearly weren’t paying attention that day in high school when popularity was established…

Also not paying attention, was another faction of bunny chasers, who obviously didn’t read my column last week… I hate repeating myself… but, for the good of these wardrobe challenged chasers, I will this once… Layers… Collared shirts (polos or button downs, it doesn’t matter)… and color coordination… None of this is hard… But, you make it seem hard and you make this speech necessary when you show up wearing hoodies with decade old Cincinnati Reds or Cleveland Cavaliers logos on them … Lodge Bar is a class establishment… Pretend you know what class is…

As an hour and a half passed, the energy increased, the dance floor continued to flood, the bunnies kept arriving and unfortunately, so did the cast of Freaks and Geeks… I didn’t know Columbus had so many castoffs from Tales From the Crypt… It was horrid, often near vomit inducing to watch these bunnies (and there were a few worth writing paragraphs about), being accosted by these letches…

I’m certain I don’t have to explain the concept of Mardi Gras to anyone (and I’m not going to, so if you don’t know it, google now)… And there were a few bunnies that were just handed beads because they were that angelic… But, the vast majority, I am certain are having nightmares tonight because of the people who approached them… Every time I walked past the Axl Rose wannabe, who was always carrying a few strands, in addition to the dozen he had around his neck, I wanted to grab the nearest bunny and stick her in a closet… I understand that this day, is one of the few days where the objective is supposed to be the same and every male is supposed to be equal, but the more I looked at these guys, the more it was obvious that there is a reason that we’re not all equal…

I know it sounds like I am hammering Lodge Bar… I’m not…. The energy that rippled throughout the crowd was amazing… Every bar and available space on the dance floor was jammed, the stage, at times, overflowed with bunnies, and the night itself was memorable… Lodge Bar, although I wish they could, cant help the morons, who think for this one-day a year, beads make them popular… (Losing a hundred pounds, changing their wardrobe or doing something with their appearance might make them popular)…

Intermixed amongst the societal scourge (who I am mentioning for either the last time or the next to last time, I promise) were several of this city’s venue icons… Notably, Brian, a co-owner and lead promoter of Sugar Bar and Park Street Patio… We spoke for a minute, consumed a shot, and as I walked away, I marveled at how, even though Sugar and Lodge are competitors, there is no spirit of competition between the employees… They all value each other…

Speaking of valuable, I can’t type this column without a paragraph on Gonzo, who, in tandem with DJ Legend owned this evening… This wasn’t the first time I had heard either one of them, this wasn’t even the first time, in the last week at Lodge Bar, that I had heard either one of them… Still, both elevated their art for this evening… They manner in which Gonzo can skirt from “Poker Face” to “Live Your Life” to “Show Me Love” (yes, he played Robin) is unbelievable… Combine the talent with Legend and Gonzo’s personable microphone work and they were almost enough to make you stop noticing Axl Rose, still seeking a bunny, even though, none would have him…

Since, I am mentioning bunnies, this is a perfect opportunity to mention the reason (besides the alcohol and great events), that anyone in this city should visit Lodge Bar… The staff… On this night, the two Lodge bunnies, most worth writing about were Haley and Jen, both of whom were (and I cant use this word strongly enough), enjoying their night off… Jen, consuming shots, reading our twitter, and interacting with everyone like the beautiful social butterfly that she is… Haley, showcasing her gorgeous smile and dancing on the speakers…

As gorgeous as Haley, but not as smiley this evening was (my personal favorite) Crown Princess Kadi… As I watched her work behind the bar (and work is the operative word, I don’t think the bunny ever stopped moving), I couldn’t help but notice the gorgeous eyes were present, the jeweler’s crafted looks were present, but the sparkle was missing… Then again, a diamond is a diamond, sparkle or not…

And since we’re talking diamonds, I have to mention a treat, who I had seen working Lodge Bar previously, but I didn’t learn her name until this evening… Alexa, potentially the shortest employee Lodge has, but you know what they say about good things and small packages… She is worth eighteen carats… Chocolate brown eyes, a gorgeous complexion, and a personality that is captivating from the first second of conversation…

It’s employees like Alexa, Kadi, Jen, and Haley, and beyond… It extends to Trevor, Rick, and Pat, and all of the bouncers, who names (and I apologize for this), escape my mind at the moment… I walk into Lodge, I spend five hours talking and twittering and it doesn’t feel, for one moment, like work… I’m in, I’m out… It’s routine, normal, and even enjoyable… Hello, good-bye… Just another of the typically not societal pariahs that inhabits Lodge Bar on a nightly basis…