From Humdrum to Ecstasy

The greatest nights evolve. They commence with no one around… You arrive and the venue is practically empty… You can catch up with your favorite bartender; catch the end of the sporting event you were watching before you left… You can relax… The night continues with an influx of other customers… Not enough that you feel overwhelmed and want to leave… Just enough to where you consume their energy and don’t want to leave… The night concludes with bunnies everywhere and a jammed dance floor… The scene makes you think, “Thank God I didn’t bail at 9:00.”

Officially, I’m never arriving at Lodge Bar prior to midnight again… For the second consecutive week, I walked in pre-9:00 and the venue was vacant (and when I say vacant, I mean I could set up a dozen pins at the other end and bowled a few frames)… Fourteen people (not including staff), were watching television, sipping their alcohol, and I will assume, like me, praying the night picked up…

With nothing else to cover (unless I really did want to count cracks in the bar), my eyes focused on the Blue Jackets, who were in the third period, locked in a 3-3 tie with the Toronto Maple Leafs… Thankfully, the game was intense enough (yes, you can finally about the Blue Jackets this year) to hold my attention…. Except for one moment… In the midst of the game transitioning from the third period into overtime into a shootout… Two bartenders (who I am assuming were bored beyond words), started into the most obscure of conversations… Mork from Ork… Seriously… The spent five minutes discussing the red jump suit he wore and his signature catch phrases… Five minutes, in Columbus, on a Thursday, spent discussing Mork from Ork… We now return you to the world, in which, you understand most of what we are saying…

Moments after the Blue Jackets wrapped up a shootout victory (2-1 in the extra frame), I encountered Jake, another Lodge bartender, and we proceeded to have a ten minute conversation about twitter (It’s great to see everyone at Lodge discovering twitter)… We talked about what twitter is and why you should use it (two questions I could answer with confidence)… Then, ten minutes later, we discussed other technology and website ideas… Jake, whom I had never met before tonight, has to be one of the smartest bartenders in this city…

As I said at the outset, the best nights involve a slow beginning, followed by a steady improvement… Lodge Bar had the slow beginning… The Blue Jackets victory was enjoyable, the conversation with Jake was outstanding, and now, I was starting to notice improvement… It started small, with a trickle of bunnies… Then another cluster and another… As I stood with a bouncer at approximately 11 p.m., he looked at the still half-empty bar and without hesitation said, “If we were going to be busy, we’d be busy by now.”

About ten minutes after those famous last words, I encountered WNCI’s Gonzo, one of the most talented people in this city… As we kicked around ideas, which we had started discussing last week, he told me about the potentially amazing stage show he has cooked up for Mardi Gras Tuesday… This is what I mean when I say the kid is talented… We spoke for a couple more minutes and then he hit the microphone to officially kick off Thursday night… That’s when it hit me… If I come out Tuesday, I’ll miss American Idol….

With Gonzo working the crowd and the music starting to intensify, the night continued improving… Clusters of bunnies… Packs of bunnies… And the bunny chasers… From 10:45 to midnight, Lodge Bar moved from weak to wow, from a three-paragraph wrap to which one are we on now? I saw that same bouncer again at midnight and the expression on his face told the entire story… He didn’t expect this, but he was thrilled it had happened…

Speaking of things not expected, but thrilling… In between the bunny rush and the half-dozen random conversations which ensued, what could only be described as Lodge Bar Employee Night broke out… If you were following us on twitter (and believe me, I saw enough of your cell phones to know that you were), you know that the first employee discovered was promotions manager Jennifer (gorgeous girl, gorgeous dancer)… But, the night discoveries end there…

I’m standing on two different sets of stairs throughout the evening and I twice encounter Haley, bartender, promoter, and complete muffin… Both Jennifer and her were fun conversations, they are fun people and it was outstanding to see both in non-working, alcohol consuming mode…. But, seeing both of them paled in comparison to seeing someone else… Princess Kadi…

Dressed in all black with silver jewelry, Kadi looked worth eighteen carats tonight… And her personality, her laugh, they acted worth thirty-six… Clearly, Kadi was enjoying consuming the alcohol, instead of distributing the alcohol… With a Miller Lite bottle in her hand, that smokehouse rasp in her voice, and a smile that is simply to perfect for words… Kadi owned my attention throughout every word of our multiple conversations…

She owned everyone else’s attention with what she did during “Live Your Life…” Once again, if you were following us on twitter (and if you weren’t, you really missed something), you know what I am talking about… Princess and her companion (whose name would be nice at this point), on top one of the stage speakers, grinding and shaking their asses (and Kadi was without shoes no less)… I understand there were males in the bar with girlfriends, but seriously, they couldn’t have been paying attention to them… Kadi was the attraction…

I know what I said last Thursday, that Lauren is, on some level a challenger to Kadi for the standard at Lodge Bar… Lauren is exquisite, no question… But, Kadi is my star crush… You cannot blend that much beauty and personality and not be the most perfect… Lauren is amazing, but Kadi is the Crown Princess… And the crown is not revocable…

As the clock walked into a.m. territory, the bunnies stream only continued… And variety was the word… they were short… they were tall… they were blonde, brunette, and mixed… They had curves, they had perfect smiles… The number of exemplary bunnies was equal to the number of males wearing bizarre wardrobe choices…

And this is where I have to get serious for a moment… This lesson is not directed at the bunnies, who can pretty much wear a Wal-Mart shopping bag if they have the frame for it… This lesson is for the bunny chasers… I hate to be blunt (ok, no I don’t)… Your wardrobes need work… Lodge Bar doesn’t have a dress code and they shouldn’t… You should be smart enough and adult enough to understand fashion (you don’t have to be gay, you just need to read Men’s Vogue once in a while)…

Layers… Collared shirts (polos or button downs, it doesn’t matter)… and color coordination… None of this is hard… But, you make it seem hard and you make this speech necessary when you show up wearing hoodies with decade old Cincinnati Reds logos on them or a Diego Maradona soccer jersey (you know he got busted for drugs twice right?)… This is not your fraternities night out for dollar beers… This is a class establishment… Pretend you know what class is…

As I left Lodge at 1:40, there were still bunnies showing up… Less than one hour until the doors are locked and they are showing up… Somehow, when I could have been counting those cracks in the bar, I had a feeling the night would end like this…