Present As You Seek Infamy

Every evening, I ask myself one question… Where’s the news tonight?

On this evening, I thought that question could remain unanswered. The streets were vacant. The venues were vacant. Several churches and synagogues this weekend will have superior energy. Why was this? Park Street Festival was last weekend… Ohio State students have vanished… Opposing activities were occurring… Any reason is sensible… No reason is sufficient…

If you’ve read this website (and I know you have), Drink with a Lodge Bar employee night is an identifiable phrase. When last call echoed this evening, Lodge Bar employees were the only identifiable people… Trevor Day… Joe Information… Mike Material… The contingent was superb… However, Lodge Bar prefers this contingent’s alone presence prior to the venue opening…

While Lodge Bar’s night was regrettable, Matt Delight’s sentences were spectacular… He mocks his colleagues and this nation’s premiere comedy writers should applaud… He offers insight about the opposite sex and those who penned proverbs cringe… I know I typed he has never spent one second not amused with the thoughts in his own head… When those thoughts are spoken aloud, a column material encyclopedia is available…

Whereas Matt Delight was Lodge Bar’s lone highlight, Park Street Patio accrued their third consecutive victory. I know what you’re thinking… I said every venue was vacant and victory is utilized? This was not an evening when one venue survived an incomprehensible competition… Park Street Patio governed an evening when they were merely adequate…

Since our initial encounter, Jamie Precious has accrued four column appearances… You would assume one would run out of adjectives and then you realize the obvious… There are spectacular bunnies who are forgotten in five minutes and there are bunnies who speak for five minutes and are unforgettable… Jamie is the latter…

In a contrasting manner, Mia Charisma is another unforgettable slinger… Mia isn’t the precocious showcase… She isn’t the scandalous provocateur… She is simply an off the rack perfection… If the choice is the glitzy slinger who struts or the subdued slinger whose soul is visible within their eyes, Mia is the selection… Her soul is exquisite…

On Saturday, Lodge Bar Assistant General Manager Trevor Day raised expectations and won… Tonight, Sugar Bar Promotions Superstar Avi Primetime attempted a similar speculation… And speculation reestablished it’s definition… Sugar Bar was only buzzing… No section ever challenged or equaled swarmed…

And Sugar Bar’s evening deteriorated further… A fight ensued which included four security personnel, three randoms, two police officers, and a heifer in a tutu (and no that’s not the conclusion of a joke)… Conflicting reports exist concerning the scrap itself… According to witnesses, two women commenced fighting… Their boyfriends intervened… Security and police intervened… A Sugar Bar security person was inadvertently pepper sprayed in the mele…

Mia Charisma, Matt Delight, and Jamie Precious were excellent conversations… However, the preceding paragraph illustrates why my exit is never early… If I had learned about this incident via someone else, I would have remained regretful… I abhor missing the news…

Always Live

Apparently, Joe Information and I were talking about two different bachlorette parties… I apologize for the misstatement…. However, Joe’s standards are still exceedingly low lol…

Scrumptious Excellence & Sickening Excrement

This city’s nightlife and reality are polar opposites. Occasionally, reality intrudes upon our exquisite charade. Executives are reassigned. Slingers are removed. Servers are replaced.

Theoretically, Alexa’s Summer Escape (I’ll explain the title) was this evening’s subject. The intoxicating tart will receive the requisite number of sentences, but as frequently occurs obvious and unexpected column material presented itself… And by presented itself, I mean alcohol, embarrassment, and randomness were involved…

Since warm weather commenced, Lodge Bar’s crowd is difficult to evaluate. They separate themselves between the main room and the patio… I would label the individual cliques as scattered, then I pause and consider that if a catastrophic rainstorm struck, the combined mass would rival any evening I witnessed in cold weather…

If a catastrophic rainstorm is a possibility (and it obviously is), can I request one to obliterate every bachlorette in this city? I know that comment may offend anyone and I know that I’ve spent several sentences on this subject and I assume that you are over reading my opinion… You are not half as over reading my opinion as I am stating my opinion… However, the putrid volume of what I witnessed this evening necessitate several additional sentences…

It’s not that I wish to cuddle another controversy in every column, but the excruciating and excremental behavior seems to escalate… Just when I assume I’ve seen every repugnant and ridiculous utilization of a pink plastic penis, these eventual ex-wives embarrass themselves… They embarrass the sanctity of marriage… A necklace of penises? A name tag which reads baby mama?

I know I said this on twitter… Yet, it’s worth repeating for emphasis…. If you’re wearing a penis on your head (anywhere on your person), your nametag should read stupid… You may as well wear a shirt with the words pathetic trash emblazoned upon it… Because that is what you are… Pathetic trash… Your actions clearly crave attention, which makes you pathetic… Your actions indicate that you have zero respect for yourself, which makes you trash…

I have said repeatedly, heifers have a right to a social life… Bachlorettes have no such right… Heifers may ruin my visual, but their insolence is the result of appearance, which is only partially controllable… Bachlorettes choose their penis attire… They choose their insolence and tastelessness… Thus, I can choose to banish them… (and since I haven’t said it yet, save your e-mails)…

Since I’ve mangled bachlorettes and mentioned heifers, I must intertwine the pair for a moment… Amidst a conversation with Joe Information, I asserted that every bachlorette party was forgettable… He countered that one party, a collection of heifers with flower necklaces, was not… Immediately, I realized what I had always assumed and never admitted… My standards are acceptable… Joe’s are exceedingly low…

As the evening progressed, Lodge Bar’s energy remained impressive… Energy was never a concern… The conversation was prevalent… The dance floor was crushed… I didn’t want to depart because the venue was dull… I considered departing because the composition of those inhabiting the venue was dreadful… Fortunately, the favorites salvaged the evening…

Once again, DJ Michael (and I swear, we will alter that name by the next column) was spectacular… I could spend multiple paragraphs discussing how he cultivated this evening’s superb energy, but I will instead state the obvious… No spinner in this city possesses his mix of audacity and style…

Speaking of audacity and style, Jen Bunny frolicked in the spotlight… With the vast majority of muffins, it’s an aspect or a pair of aspects that capture your attention…. With Jen Bunny, it’s the entire experience… Whether encouraging mass consumption of a shot, dancing, or compelling you to dance, Jen is a mesmerizing encounter… She is simply someone attention craves…

While Jen Bunny was alluring, Lindsey Natural ensorcelled my attention… I know I have discussed off the rack previously and even enumerated several examples, but Lindsey Natural (hence her gloss), may be the perfect personification of the term… With a Coach purse on her arm and the most engaging eyes of any platinum bunny I have encountered, Lindsey never invites anyone’s attention… She simply owns it…

Whether it’s dancing on the stage (which wasn’t unique to her) or ordering a shot while singing “Mmmbop,” Lindsey possesses an effortless quality that ninety percent of bunnies (even though they are bunnies) still covet… She will never struggle for the spotlight… Her personality will simply provide it for her…

Another platinum bunny and consistent spotlight object is Lodge Bar Promotions Superstar Kattie Minx… Typically, my mentions are predicated upon an amusing anecdote or important insight the favorite provides… For the purpose of this column material, I don’t need paragraphs to justify Kattie’s inclusion… I don’t need sentences either…. I simply need one unambiguous ten-word statement… No one can rock a pink dress as she can…

I know I promised an Alexa story, but the truth is, I don’t have one… Not one that would rival her previous exploits…. This wasn’t an evening where she danced the cupid shuffle… This wasn’t an evening where she utilized bar equipment as a microphone… On her final evening (see, I explained the title), Alexa was simply the professional, thorough server one would expect…

One month ago, Rick Genius and I shared a conversation and while I will leave the vast majority private, one statement he made merits reprinting… “Alexa could teach servers in this town at their profession ten years about how to be a server…” Rick is correct… Precocious personality aside (although we heart it), Alexa is preeminent in her profession…

As I stood behind the stage, staring toward the Lodge bunnies making it rain napkins, I reflected upon a repetitious question I have received… Anyone who doesn’t comprehend the volume of coverage this venue receives, should meet Jen Bunny, Rick Genius, Joe Information, Kattie Minx, Lindsey Natural, and the intoxicating tart… They should stand with me behind the stage starting toward the entrancing visual… Then, they should consider their question answered…

Champions Commence Thursday Night Live

While no one watched, two champions prepared. They assigned their employees… They discussed strategy and tactics… They prepped their entrances… They reviewed their procedures… Their work was rote, tedious, and unappreciated… Yet, everyone labored with the knowledge that this work could win or lose the evening…

As Thursday Night Live commenced, Sugar Bar was scattered… Amidst a conversation with Shawn Money (who I had several conversations with throughout the evening), I observed a line that was noticeable, yet was confined within ten feet… One week ago, the awaiting masses consumed half a block…

The clutches may have been random… However, the platinum bunnies were spectacular… Whether they were flirting with Shawn Money, as one twenty-year-old was or consuming free drinks in the walkway, as an exquisite, black dress bunny was, the visual obliterated any concerns or thoughts about the average arrivals…

Upon my arrival at Lodge Bar, their crowd was also sluggish… This provided me an opportunity to speak with Joe Information, whom I’ve mentioned previously… our wide ranging conversation (our conversations are consistently wide ranging) covers the evening and of all subjects boxing… It’s what I value about the closeness of my relationships with various employees; you are constantly scoring insights into their personalities… (Although Joe’s insight, his hatred of Floyd Mayweather, is ridiculous)…

For Lodge Bar’s first quarter, boxing is the appropriate metaphor… Lodge Bar didn’t win the first round…. However, they weren’t embarrassed either… Their crowd was expanding and respectable… And their bunnies and platinum bunnies were noticeable… As I returned to Sugar Bar for the second stanza, I knew this night could be interesting…

One hour into our twitter coverage, Sugar Bar’s exterior met anyone’s expectations… The line threatened to extend into an alley… As for Sugar Bar’s interior, the dance floor was crushed… There wasn’t visible space… There weren’t walkways… There was simply a cascade of people grinding and shaking….

When a venue’s population increases, I typically count this as wanted… Unfortunately, as I stared toward the collection of heifers and randoms which inhabited Sugar Bar’s dance floor, I reconsidered my entire thought process… Essentially, Sugar Bar swapped their first frame platinum bunnies for second frame total population… Population is population is population and population is needed… Yet, platinum bunnies are not negotiable…

Also not negotiable was Lodge Bar’s vastly improved second quarter… While their dance floor was vacant (which is rare for this venue), their upper and lower bars were swarmed and their walkway was virtually impassable… I stood and viewed the ever expanding crush from several angles and each screamed similar affirmations… This was Lodge Bar’s quarter…

Seconds ago (unless you are a very slow reader), I mentioned that the dance floor was vacant… The bunnies may not have been grinding, but they were present and scrumptious… I know you’re reading this and thinking, how much of a factor was the primping sex in my round by round evaluation… I’ll respond with this… They weren’t the factor, but when the total population is even, bunnies win the contest…

Another factor was DJ Legend, who completely overmatched DJ Samurai… Now, I will say this without hesitation, I sincerely respect DJ Samurai… He possesses skills… Unfortunately, his song selections never change… You can set your blackberry alarm by them… The rotation never alters… The sequence never wavers… I can recount his set list and I don’t even have to attend the event…

Conversely, DJ Legend is eclectic and exquisite… Whenever he spins, I know I will hear sequences or songs I haven’t or I never thought possible… Tonight’s marquee moment, another brilliant exhibition, was “Clothes Off” and “When I Grow Up” played consecutively… You don’t think of either as club or dance selections necessarily, but the pairing was perfect…

As Sugar Bar’s third quarter commenced, random was an apt description… From the overly tattooed female passed out in an alley to the heifer who walked past wearing a camouflage dress, the venue’s swap of quality for quantity continued… Obviously, numbers are important… But, any venue can rack up numbers… It’s the impression those numbers make…

The impression the venue’s interior made was incredible… The dance floor and lower mezzanine transcended crushed… And the stage was as crammed as I had ever witnessed… I knew a moment would occur, a moment always occurs, when one of these venues would draw a line and challenge the other… This was that moment… It took me less than three minutes to return to Lodge Bar with one thought… Could they respond?

Yes is the emphatic reaction… I entered the venue and immediately observed the obvious… The walkway was impassable… The dance floor was crushed… The upper and lower bars were crushed… The stage was crushed… Lodge Bar had taken Sugar Bar’s virtual flourish and responded with a shot to the mouth which would have made Manny Pacquiao applaud…

Eventually, I negotiated the crush and relocated to left of the stage… The platinum bunny visual was spectacular… They were dancing, they were singing, they were grinding… They were canoodling and coercing every chaser they could make eye contact with… Even the random basketball jersey wearers I referenced on twitter… Even one of them collected a cupcake…

When I returned to Sugar Bar, their crowd was scattering… The stage remained swarmed… However, the couch klatch and the lower mezzanine were reduced… The cove was almost vacant… As I shared consecutive shots with Avi Primetime and Shawn Money, the outcome wasn’t announced… It wasn’t conceded… But, it was implicit and understood… Despite the two premiere male promoters in this city, Sugar Bar would lose…

And they did… Lodge Bar was equally scattered as their conclusion arrived… Yet, their dance floor and upper and lower bars maintained the crowd required… their championship label had been thoroughly challenged… But, the championship remained within their hands…

While no one watched, two champions culminated their evening… One had endured an onslaught and survived… One remained proud and unashamed… As both cleaned and counted cash, scoured and swept, they labored with one universal thought… Rematches and victory within them are always possible…

They Made the Evening

Concepts attract crowds… Details make the crowd’s evening… It isn’t enough to advertise a theme and request the audience’s participation… There are hundreds of venues in this city where an audience can spend their money… The audience expects reciprocation… They expect a genuine effort in exchange for their money…

Upon my arrival for the Lodge Bar Derby, the weather was apocryphal… (I will simply say this, if the actual Kentucky Derby is run in weather resembling this, it will be about as enjoyable to watch as the Donnie Wahlberg-Sugar Bar crowd)… Fortunately, a robust crowd, intrigued I’m assuming, by the horse racing theme, defied the weather and layered the venue… They would not be disappointed…

From the streamers to the tables, the décor should have inspired a rendition of “My Old Kentucky Home…” As impressive as the aesthetics were, the minutia was even more superb… I registered to bet and received a racing form, which included odds, jockeys, stables, and sires… The odds were a given, how else would they calculate winning without them? But, the effort of concocting a third and fourth level of information, a level only diehard horse enthusiasts might understand, was exemplary…

What makes this even more remarkable is the fact that the races were via a videotaped presentation… I know what you’re thinking; they weren’t going to show live races… Of course they weren’t, which I why they could have stopped with horses names, post positions, and odds… The fact that emphasis was placed on details, not only on the racing form, but on the tables, where cards could be found explaining the various positions… The wagering procedure itself… The entire concept matched anything attempted by any venue…

My one critique is the money… Whereas Sugar Bar’s Casino Night currency was more inventive, Lodge Bar’s currency was borrowed from monopoly (I felt like I should have been handed a thimble or race car upon entrance)… With that said, the event’s overall detail exceeded even my exacting standards… The experience was worth challenging the ghastly weather, which finally subsided two hours after I arrived…

General Manager Pat West and Promotions Superstar Jen Bunny, as well as their staffs (which I will mention later), merit applause… I knew Lodge Bar would present an interesting evening… They always excel… However, and I cant say this enough, their attention to detail was precise… It is efforts such as these that place them amongst the elite venues in this city…

While the Lodge Bar Derby was perfectly scripted, spontaneous moments always, always provide the preeminent column material… One such moment and the highlight of the evening, commenced with Alexa, simply acting like her precocious self…

Approximately, forty minutes after the derby concluded, Lodge Bar Friday Night DJ Shawn played the Cupid Shuffle… Standing behind the bar (appearing as always gorgeous and I assume waiting for an order) was Alexa, who naturally started imitating the popular dance… Two other servers started mimicking her and three minutes later, they were commencing their own version of the dance in the entrance way…

It was at this moment that Pat West seized an opportunity… He approached Alexa and friends and pointed them toward the stage… What started as peppiness, concluded with three employees on the stage, joining the crowd in an outstanding version of the shuffle…

Following an hour and a half away (it’s called Always Live), I returned to Lodge Bar… Despite the weather (have I mentioned it was putrid), Lodge Bar had improved their crowd… The venue wasn’t crushed and there were only some choice bunnies… However, Lodge Bar wasn’t sitting virtually empty as some other venues were… Which on this night was an accomplishment…

What made the crowd even more enjoyable was the Lodge Bar staff (both on the clock and off)… On one of my first nights in the venue, Joe (whom I’ve mentioned previously), joked that there was one night which was labeled “drink with a Lodge Bar employee night”… This wasn’t that night, but that objective was entirely possible… Crown Princess Kadi, in a dazzling white coat… Jessie, in a scrumptious black and white dress… And Trevor, in what he normally wears… were all enjoying the view from the patron’s side of the bar…

Serving them their drinks (and occasionally speaking with me) were the remainder of the venue’s equally talented ensemble cast, Jen Bunny, Mike and half dozen others whose names (I apologize for this) escape me at this early hour… I know I’ve said this previously, but it’s not only the superstar drink slingers, it’s the servers and security… Every level of Lodge Bar makes every visit truly enjoyable…

And therein lies the success of this website… Without Princess Kadi and Jen Bunny, Genius Rick and the intoxicating tart, Superstars Pat and Trevor, the writing would be simply words… I dedicate this column and all previous and subsequent columns to them… They are the rock stars… They are who everyone wants… They made us…

Always Live

With Lodge Bar’s dance floor and walkways crushed, I sought a stable reporting refuge… I acquired the perfect position, across from Gonzo, on the stage, and next to Joe (whom I’ve mentioned previously)… Joe is the second smartest and potentially the most informative person at Lodge Bar… We observe the crowd (and the bunnies), swap opinions, and he imparts the employee experience (which is valuable, as I tell their stories)…

While bunnies were omnipresent this evening, Alexa once again reduced most… The intoxicating tart, who was walking the floor with a tray of jello shots and a can of whipped cream, appeared more personable and scrumptious than our previous encounters (which I didn’t think was possible)… Without question, the most memorable moment of the evening was when Assistant General Manager Trevor Day, Alexa, and I discussed her potentially spraying the crowd with whipped cream… The idea was a joke, but one I supported…

Two Grand Venues & Two Graceful Answers

The two questions I receive most often are why do I write about, instead of, enjoy this city’s nightlife and am I interested in seeking a relationship with any of the venue bunnies that I have previously complimented (or more than complimented)… My pair of answers are as simple as the questions themselves…

Anyone who walked or viewed Park and Vine streets pre and post the Fleetwood Mac concert should a comprehend why five nights out a week (writing or not) is a coveted existence… From the bricks to the sidewalks to the venues, the bunnies were omnipresent… There were black dress bunnies, eighteen carat bunnies, fashion savvy bunnies, off the rack bunnies, and score bunnies… There was, literally within five blocks, a hookup for every hangover…

Regrettably, some of the bunnies (or not so bunnies) had finished hooking up for life… When did April 18 become official bachelorette party day in this city? The plastic crowns, the sashes, the pink balloon penises… Seriously, whatever happened to a bride’s beauty sleep before she wears off-white? Save your e-mails… I’m not demeaning weddings… They are a wonderful institution… With that said, the level of tackiness within the five blocks was enough to induce vomit…

Enough to induce applause was the spectacular evening enjoyed by both the Frog Bear and Wild Boar and Lodge Bar… I know I’ve discussed both venues previously, but what I haven’t discussed (and will in moments) is how similar the pair are… If one skims the obvious, the comparison is easy to botch… One is located on the bricks, the other on Vine Street… One has a club interior; the other has a wood interior… One is locally owned, the other is a franchise…

As I said, the comparison is easy to botch… What one must observe is the similarities in management and staff, in performance and personality… On this evening, the comparison of those attributes was simple and spectacular, as the pair waged an epic, easily stranding the other venues, who performed well, but were not on their level…

While Lodge Bar can occasionally appear gargantuan, given the sheer volume of size that the front door to the bar patio encompasses, the venue appeared as small as ever post-Fleetwood Mac… When I arrived, every bar was occupied and swarmed, the tables were swarmed, and the dance floor… The dance was floor was over crushed… Between the bunnies, the chasers, the post concert revelers and those to drunk from the Blue Jackets loss to depart, the venue was impassible…

Thankfully, Lodge Bar’s patio (according to them, the largest in the city) was finally open… And it was crammed with people… From the Blue Jackets fans, drinking on the second level and lamenting their loss to the patrons playing corn hole (yes, you can play corn hole on the patio), the all night, country bull session vibe was evident… The patio provided the perfect escape for those who had found their bunny and now wanted a conversation or those who were looking to ditch a heifer…

Since I mentioned patios, I’ll switch the conversation to Frog Bear and Wild Boar, which (as always) set the standard for patios in this city (due respect to Lodge Bar’s size, skill is involved as well)… I could take three hours and discuss the crowd, which was also over crushed… The bunnies on the patio alone were enough to make one not enter the venue… But, the entire scene… DJ Bombay’s spectacular spinning in open air, the makeshift dance floor (which was incredible), the bunnies dancing behind the bar as they retrieved your orders… If the Blue Jackets played with this much energy for one period, they might have scored a victory…

What Frog Bear and Wild Boar’s greatest attribute was, on this evening, is what it always is; they are a place for all palettes… If you want a club, enjoy the patio… If you want sports, they were offering the UFC Fight… If you wanted live music, Fat Dog’s performance was outstanding (we will hear more from them in the very near future)… They were, seamlessly, three venues in one venue…

Potentially, the grandest and most similar attribute Frog Bear and Wild Boar and Lodge Bar share is stellar management…I could spend another three paragraphs discussing Frog Bear and Wild Boar Owner Tom Selvaggio, but what I said on twitter is sufficient… I simply get smarter every occasion we speak… He knows the band and their strengths and weaknesses… He knows how the DJ will perform… He knows the players in the nightlife game and how the game is played… He is, quite simply, an encyclopedia…

Not to be overshadowed was, and I know I’ve said this before, Lodge Bar Assistant General Manager Trevor Day, a superstar among management in this city… I’ve yet to meet in this industry, someone more willing to discuss any subject, someone who understands more the value of information… He is supportive of any venture, whether he directly benefits or not… There are other managers in this city I respect as much as him… There are few I appreciate more than him…

The final similarity is the amazing staffs that both venues possess… It’s not only the superstar drink slingers, it’s the servers and sellers and promotions… For Frog Bear and Wild Boar, it’s the royal trio (and if you don’t know who they are, you haven’t been reading), Matt, Sarah, Grace, and the half dozen other people I spoke with last night whose names escape me (I apologize)… For Lodge Bar, its Jen Bunny, Rick, Joe, Nick, Jessica, Barbara, and Alexa (who was for some reason, rocking the librarian look last night)… Each execute their role and allow their counterpart to execute theirs, insuring an enjoyable evening, no matter the chaos…

Of course, I can’t talk Lodge Bar staff and let a column slip past without mentioning the thirty-six carat perfection, also known as Crown Princess Kadi… You think ultimately, I would run out of adjectives for her, but every moment that I speak with her, her personality amazes me… From our first conversation in the afternoon, where we discussed everything that we hadn’t in three weeks and she was captivating to our last conversation of the night, when I had a terrible experience and she was the concerned friend… Kadi again showed why no one, and I mean no other person, is on her level…

Which walks this column into the answer for the second question… Crown Princess, the Lucky Charms, the royal trio, and others are only subject matter… I don’t write out of attraction to them… I simply write these lines of their pretty face…

Always Live Debuts Saturday

If Always Live commenced tonight, I could tell you that Lodge Bar was crushed. I could tell you that their crowd included Sugar Bar & Park Street Patio Co-Owner Brian Swanson. I could tell you about the bunnies. I could tell you DJ Legend was spectacular. And I could tell you that Lodge Bar employees Barbara and Joe were insightful conversations… Unfortunately, Always Live hasn’t commenced…