While We Were Away

From Columbus to Philadelphia, Lodge Bar Assistant General Manager Trevor Day advances his career. Mike Material supplants him. Kattie Minx renounces her superstar slinger status. McFadden’s, General Manager Damien Fuller, and Emily Rose Perfection separate… Gossip CBUS has been away awhile…

We’ve returned and Always Live will recount what we’ve missed…

Scrumptious Excellence & Sickening Excrement

This city’s nightlife and reality are polar opposites. Occasionally, reality intrudes upon our exquisite charade. Executives are reassigned. Slingers are removed. Servers are replaced.

Theoretically, Alexa’s Summer Escape (I’ll explain the title) was this evening’s subject. The intoxicating tart will receive the requisite number of sentences, but as frequently occurs obvious and unexpected column material presented itself… And by presented itself, I mean alcohol, embarrassment, and randomness were involved…

Since warm weather commenced, Lodge Bar’s crowd is difficult to evaluate. They separate themselves between the main room and the patio… I would label the individual cliques as scattered, then I pause and consider that if a catastrophic rainstorm struck, the combined mass would rival any evening I witnessed in cold weather…

If a catastrophic rainstorm is a possibility (and it obviously is), can I request one to obliterate every bachlorette in this city? I know that comment may offend anyone and I know that I’ve spent several sentences on this subject and I assume that you are over reading my opinion… You are not half as over reading my opinion as I am stating my opinion… However, the putrid volume of what I witnessed this evening necessitate several additional sentences…

It’s not that I wish to cuddle another controversy in every column, but the excruciating and excremental behavior seems to escalate… Just when I assume I’ve seen every repugnant and ridiculous utilization of a pink plastic penis, these eventual ex-wives embarrass themselves… They embarrass the sanctity of marriage… A necklace of penises? A name tag which reads baby mama?

I know I said this on twitter… Yet, it’s worth repeating for emphasis…. If you’re wearing a penis on your head (anywhere on your person), your nametag should read stupid… You may as well wear a shirt with the words pathetic trash emblazoned upon it… Because that is what you are… Pathetic trash… Your actions clearly crave attention, which makes you pathetic… Your actions indicate that you have zero respect for yourself, which makes you trash…

I have said repeatedly, heifers have a right to a social life… Bachlorettes have no such right… Heifers may ruin my visual, but their insolence is the result of appearance, which is only partially controllable… Bachlorettes choose their penis attire… They choose their insolence and tastelessness… Thus, I can choose to banish them… (and since I haven’t said it yet, save your e-mails)…

Since I’ve mangled bachlorettes and mentioned heifers, I must intertwine the pair for a moment… Amidst a conversation with Joe Information, I asserted that every bachlorette party was forgettable… He countered that one party, a collection of heifers with flower necklaces, was not… Immediately, I realized what I had always assumed and never admitted… My standards are acceptable… Joe’s are exceedingly low…

As the evening progressed, Lodge Bar’s energy remained impressive… Energy was never a concern… The conversation was prevalent… The dance floor was crushed… I didn’t want to depart because the venue was dull… I considered departing because the composition of those inhabiting the venue was dreadful… Fortunately, the favorites salvaged the evening…

Once again, DJ Michael (and I swear, we will alter that name by the next column) was spectacular… I could spend multiple paragraphs discussing how he cultivated this evening’s superb energy, but I will instead state the obvious… No spinner in this city possesses his mix of audacity and style…

Speaking of audacity and style, Jen Bunny frolicked in the spotlight… With the vast majority of muffins, it’s an aspect or a pair of aspects that capture your attention…. With Jen Bunny, it’s the entire experience… Whether encouraging mass consumption of a shot, dancing, or compelling you to dance, Jen is a mesmerizing encounter… She is simply someone attention craves…

While Jen Bunny was alluring, Lindsey Natural ensorcelled my attention… I know I have discussed off the rack previously and even enumerated several examples, but Lindsey Natural (hence her gloss), may be the perfect personification of the term… With a Coach purse on her arm and the most engaging eyes of any platinum bunny I have encountered, Lindsey never invites anyone’s attention… She simply owns it…

Whether it’s dancing on the stage (which wasn’t unique to her) or ordering a shot while singing “Mmmbop,” Lindsey possesses an effortless quality that ninety percent of bunnies (even though they are bunnies) still covet… She will never struggle for the spotlight… Her personality will simply provide it for her…

Another platinum bunny and consistent spotlight object is Lodge Bar Promotions Superstar Kattie Minx… Typically, my mentions are predicated upon an amusing anecdote or important insight the favorite provides… For the purpose of this column material, I don’t need paragraphs to justify Kattie’s inclusion… I don’t need sentences either…. I simply need one unambiguous ten-word statement… No one can rock a pink dress as she can…

I know I promised an Alexa story, but the truth is, I don’t have one… Not one that would rival her previous exploits…. This wasn’t an evening where she danced the cupid shuffle… This wasn’t an evening where she utilized bar equipment as a microphone… On her final evening (see, I explained the title), Alexa was simply the professional, thorough server one would expect…

One month ago, Rick Genius and I shared a conversation and while I will leave the vast majority private, one statement he made merits reprinting… “Alexa could teach servers in this town at their profession ten years about how to be a server…” Rick is correct… Precocious personality aside (although we heart it), Alexa is preeminent in her profession…

As I stood behind the stage, staring toward the Lodge bunnies making it rain napkins, I reflected upon a repetitious question I have received… Anyone who doesn’t comprehend the volume of coverage this venue receives, should meet Jen Bunny, Rick Genius, Joe Information, Kattie Minx, Lindsey Natural, and the intoxicating tart… They should stand with me behind the stage starting toward the entrancing visual… Then, they should consider their question answered…

Crawl For Cancer Recognition

Crawl for Cancer Live would have been impossible without substantial support. Thank you, JP Ratajczak and Beth Keller (Crawl for Cancer); Pat West, Trevor Day, Mike Material, and Kattie Minx (Lodge Bar), Jeff Lauback (Callahan’s), and every venue manager, slinger, and security employee.

Natural Successes

Essentially, alcoholic concoctions are universal. In their backyard, anyone can merge champagne and orange juice. In their basement, anyone can mix a martini. But, confronted by a dozen screaming patrons, only a few can simultaneously sustain their sanity and skill. These few are natural slingers.

Upon my arrival for Where in Columbus is Bucky the Bear, Lodge Bar was buzzing. The relaxed atmosphere and scattered conversation were perfect compliments for the early evening’s sun soaked weather. Weather which, while I am certain everyone enjoyed it, assumedly enticed away more customers than it contributed…

Since I mentioned perfect and enticing, I was within Lodge Bar’s confines for five minutes before Promotions Superstar and Natural Slinger Kattie Minx acquired my attention. Minx possesses a dozen desirable qualities… Yet, the one that attracts you the most, the one that sells her the most is she is a contradiction… Seriously… She is simple and elegant… She is effortless and exquisite…

We speak for ten minutes, every second of which her eighteen carat eyes sparkle and her thirty-six carat smile, which could light the Arena District, is evident… You wish you could turn the ten minute conversation into two hours… Minx is a delight, she is a talent, she is a hot buttered biscuit…

Speaking of hot buttered biscuits, Crown Princess Kadi was also present this evening… What I appreciate about scattered crowds is that they provide a chance to speak with the superstars and honestly, I can’t speak with Kadi enough… Every conversation, regardless of where it commences includes seven subsequent topics… They include articulate analysis and unfiltered truth… When they conclude, I always wish the next conversation could commence immediately…

From Kadi, I transition into another conversation, actually an intelligence exchange with Lodge Bar DJ Michael… I know what you’re thinking… I led with drink slingers… I’ve discussed two drink slingers… Why am I inserting a mixer into the middle of this menagerie? I will explain…

Conversation is sparring… You don’t ask a question, receive an answer, and shut up… You ask a question, the other person answers quickly, you respond, they respond, you react, and they react… Michael can spar with anyone… Our conversation ranges from discussing “Words that Work” to how Steve Rubell influenced my writing to several song lyrics, which both of us recite from memory… The free flow of dialogue is exhilarating…

Michael’s spin skills are impressive also… I know I discussed his penchant for playing appropriate music, but his own repertoire merits another stratum of respect… From “Nine in the Afternoon” to “Santa Monica,” Michael’s range was incredible… These weren’t random tracks severed for people who weren’t paying attention… These were brilliant background…

While Michael provided ambiance for the main room, Lodge Bar’s patio provided a separate exceptional environment… If you relocated everyone inside, the main room would have been swarmed… With that said, I cannot question those who preferred their conversation and cocktails amidst sun soaked scenery…

I will simply remind them as they read this column that they missed the Bucky the Bear contest, which included phenomenal prizes such as Third Eye Blind tickets, Crew and Clippers tickets… I honestly wish this contest would have had more participants… The concept was outstanding and the photos, which could have been bland, were anything but bland… This contest merited fifty entrants, instead of the fifteen I believe participated…

As the contest concluded and I traversed the steps toward Vine Street, I encountered an intriguing situation… A forty person party was set to enter, but didn’t when the lead bunny was told the cover charge would not be waved… She cursed Lodge Bar as a “sh=t hole” and the party exited…

This is what I mean when I stated that only a few can simultaneously sustain their sanity and skill. If this was a backyard or basement, that bunny would have received retaliation…

Skirts, Stars Score Spotlight

Life’s objective is the spotlight. The reason celebrities are idolized and millionaires are rich is they adore the spotlight. They relish the spotlight. Their ambitions were never anonymity, conformity, or obscurity. That’s the thing about the spotlight. It will never seek you. You must seek it.

Upon my arrival for the Luau, McFadden’s was swarmed. Given Greek Week’s volume of activity and the unwelcome weather (when did May become this city’s official rain month), one would assume campus might relax. Instead, those who consumed alcohol all week ignored the rain and consumed alcohol one more evening.

And they consumed their alcohol inside an immaculately contrived paradise. It’s not as if McFadden’s had not transformed their interior previously… However, their conversion from campus haunt into a Jimmy Buffett lyric was remarkable. The first level crowd batting an oversized beach ball into several breakable objects… The second level crowd purchasing their pounders from a beer tub, which was remade into straw encircled hut… The décor was spectacular…

Once again, McFadden’s Promotions Superstar Amy scored. It is obvious at this point that she is a star among stars… With that said, her individual genius is almost incomprehensible… Lodge Bar and Jen Bunny have Kattie Minx… Park Street Patio, Sugar Bar, and Randy Haffey have a quartet… Amy is singular… She must conceive and execute the concept… If the concept collapses, she cannot sacrifice anyone… She is responsible…

Yet, the concepts never collapse… Amy’s presentations are consistently intriguing… Her visions are consistently unique… From New Year’s Eve to St. Patrick’s Day to both Little Black Dress Parties, Amy conceives the event… She promotes the event… And the bunnies and bunny chasers arrive and enjoy…

On this evening, they were thoroughly enjoying… From the limbo contest that included two dozen to the two bunnies who danced atop a booth, the energy was excellent. Incidentally, the bunnies were chased off their booth by bouncers, five minutes after they commenced… I assume the reason was safety, but the bouncers should have relaxed… The visual was spectacular…

Equally spectacular was Lester, who (for once) enhanced and did not detract from the atmosphere. Typically, Lester’s randomness, which includes an obligatory once an evening salute to President Obama, is revolting (we understand, he won, you supported him)… Tonight, Lester was superb… His conclusion of the limbo contest with “On A Boat” was appropriate… His transition of “Sweet Caroline” into “Paper Planes” was stellar…

Since we mentioned stellar, the immersion of the Lucky Charms into the Luau theme was exquisite… The combination of bikinis and grass skirts… The allure of skin, which was equal parts appropriate, enticing, and scandalous… The Lucky Charms are marvelous morsels on average evenings… With this ensemble, their magnetism was inconceivable…

Of course, my personal favorite Emily Rose was scrumptious… It wasn’t the obvious with her either… Her perfect physique was striking… She was every male’s aspiration… However, Brooke and Sytease were equally physically appetizing… Emily Rose’s flawlessly bronzed skin… Her off the beach complexion, which exquisitely offset her hair and eyes… As I have said, the term OUS was coined for Emily Rose and this evening was the perfect explanation as to why…

While Emily Rose, Brooke, and Sytease were marvelous, the charm that captured my attention, the charm that captivated my attention was the newest addition to the muffin menagerie, Alisha… I could have observed the obvious with her and had enough verbiage for two paragraphs, but what made her relevant, what catapulted her ahead in the conversation, was when she walked the bar.

I know what you’re thinking, charms walk the bar, they grind, they preen, they strut… It’s essentially their employment description… I will not argue any of that… However, watching Alisha, who could have simply walked the crowd and labeled her night successful, reminded me why McFadden’s is the campus venue… Alisha appeared relaxed… She appeared to be relishing the attention, as she reaffirmed my opening paragraph…

Throughout the evening, I had several conversations, whose essential premise was that McFadden’s has slowed since football season… While the upper and lower levels might not be impassible, while the Arena District may be consuming most of this website’s column inches, Alisha’s performance negated this premise… Crowd size is irrelevant… Number of columns is irrelevant… McFadden’s remains the official home of spotlight seekers now and forever…

An Off the Rack Evening Inspires Indelible Images

Off the rack is uncomplicated. Off the rack the bunny who is so perfect, that she appears as though she could awaken in the morning and with no visible effort, appear as perfect as you always witness… Off the rack is the friend, who simply with a glance can finish your sentence… Off the rack is the venue, where the conversation is ever-present, the drama is nonexistent, and the familiarity is forever.

For the second consecutive evening, Lodge Bar was crushed. Given St. Patrick’s Day’s mixed attendance, the fact that Cinco de Mayo doesn’t register as an obvious holiday, and Tuesday is the middle of the workweek, I had minimal expectations for the evening. Lodge Bar obliterated those expectations. They made me question why I ever had those expectations?

There wasn’t a half-block line, as there was on Saturday… However, the upper and lower bar areas were satiated, the walkways were impassable, and other venues would have taken the patio crowd and called their evening acceptable. As I watched the menagerie of drink slingers and supporters sprint past me, I could only surmise the obvious… Lodge Bar owned this evening…

Owning Lodge Bar was a panorama of petite perfections, whose appearance and fashion savvy were spectacular… My evening may have started with amazement for the exceptional attendance… However, within twenty minutes, my attention refocused on the attack of five-foot bunnies…

From the beautiful brunette, whose choice of apparel, a Lebron James jersey, captured my attention to the pair of angelic bunnies in form fitting white to the five-bunny clutch who encircled the last table before the dance floor… The compilation was incredible… I’ve seen clutches of bunnies (you know that) and I’ve seen scrumptious short bunnies (you know that), but the assemblage of diminutive platinum perfection was uniquely appreciated…

Speaking of appreciated perfection, Lodge Bar must consider appearance when they are hiring… I don’t know if they do and I’m certain such a consideration would violate several laws… However, you view anyone of their employees from promoter to bartender to server and you can articulate one inescapable conclusion… There must be a minimum level of aesthetic professionalism to work there…

If one wanted to argue with that, I could respond with several examples. And Lodge Bar Promotions Superstar Kattie Minx would be exhibit A. I must have spoken with a half dozen employees who were relaxing on their night off… However, none was as engaging as Kattie… She is insightful, intelligent, and after five minutes, it is obvious why her and Jen Bunny are the promotions combination in this city…

Kattie Minx is also gorgeous… Most women, even bunnies, wouldn’t rate minimal attention in a simple brown and white stripe top and jeans… Minx rates and retains your attention… I said this to her and I will restate for the benefit of those reading… If half of the teenagers in this city were as gorgeous as her, this would be a much better zip code…

While Kattie is exemplary, the exquisite morsel who once again owned the conversation through both her appearance and personality, was the intoxicating tart herself, Alexa… You would assume one would run out of adjectives and then you realize with every glance, Leonardo da Vinci never ran out of brushstrokes and Frank Sinatra never ran out of notes… Alexa simply acts more precocious… She simply appears more scrumptious… Just when you assume you have run out of words, she invites more…

And on this night, she was encouraging more… Dressed in black and yellow with spectacular jeans and an adorable juicy couture hoodie, Alexa was stellar… What impresses the most is the effortlessness of her appearance… The outfit I described is not designer… It is one that a thousand bunnies in this city own… Yet, Alexa elevates the outfit from simple clothes to wearable art…

Meanwhile, her actions elevate her from simply another perfect face to a core of attention… Whether its dancing on the stage or in the walkways, holding a half dozen conversations at once, or her shriek when another employee (in a friendly manner) smacks her ass… Alexa doesn’t crave attention… She makes attention crave her…

When my (and likely others) attention was not on Alexa, our focus was the Bling Crosby’s, who as Mission 19 did Saturday, reveled in and stoked the crowd’s energy… With performers, it’s never about simply singing… It’s about attaining and utilizing the crowd’s adoration… The Bling Crosby’s made the crowd, both those who inhabited the dance floor and those who simply watched, their virtual relatives…

Their personalities do not impair their cause… I’m standing on stage with DJ Michael and the Bling Crosby’s lead singer walks toward me and hands me a shot… Drink this, he says… Now, I’m never one to reject free alcohol and it’s not as though no one has ever offered me a shot… Still, the fact that they will randomly award a shot speaks to their ordinary greatness as musicians…

Since I mentioned DJ Michael, he was once again superb… The commonality that I am discovering with mixers in this city and DJ Michael is not an exception, is that the crowd motivates them… Proceeding and succeeding the Bling Crosby’s, DJ Michael once again utilized that motivation and stoked the crowd’s intensity…

As the evening concluded, a dozen patrons arrayed the stage… Amidst “Don’t Stop Believing,” Alexa and another employer parodied Steve Perry and the others danced… The scene not only concluded a exemplary evening… It made me remember that while most of our life is a series of images, which pass us by like towns on the highway, sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens… And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image, it is a moment that will live on forever…

A Public Service Announcement From Generation One A.M.

Generation One A.M. conducts meetings when the vast majority of our city is asleep. We connect in casual and unimaginable ways. We consume more alcohol in four years, than our parents consumed in twenty. We make important choices via facebook, instant message, and text. We seek the spotlight in any manner imaginable. If any or all of these illustrate you, you are of this generation.

Upon my arrival for Dos de Mayo, Lodge Bar was crushed. When I say I crushed, I don’t mean merely impassable walkways. I mean the entrance line consumed half a block, there was a two deep stack in the red room, and the patio crowd could have exceeded the Garage Bar’s capacity. The menagerie of patrons, dancing, drinking, singing and talking was incomprehensible.

And whereas the bunnies were scarce at McFadden’s, Lodge Bar’s every area was a bunny clutch. You couldn’t walk ten steps and not encounter one… They were on the stage, on the dance floor, seated at tables, talking with their friends, and guzzling alcohol as if it were chocolate… If you were a single male and you couldn’t induce one into a conversation, you were either an ox or you weren’t trying…

And these were fashionable bunnies… No couch patters or outdated logos were present… Vogue could have done an entire shoot this evening… The colors were bright and vibrant… The prints were leopard, zebra, and others… The form flattery was also perfect… One could easily locate any cut and clarity they desired…

From every angle, the top railing above the dance floor, behind the stage, on the steps adjacent to the DJ booth, in the entranceway, the panorama of bunnies was exquisite… I didn’t regret my previous two hours spent at McFadden’s… I simply regretted that I didn’t have two more hours to enjoy the panorama…

What made the evening exceptional and unique was that throughout the two hours I twittered, I barely spoke with any Lodge Bar employees… Now, I know what you are thinking, I have a minimum of one employees name in every column… How could I say not speaking with them was an exceptional evening? Simple… the crushed spectacle satisfied both of our objectives… I got column material and they got paid…

What was unsatisfying was yet another varied display of bachelorette debauchery… I know I have mentioned this previously and allow me to say that as a member (and essentially founder) of Generation One A.M., I am not opposed to excess… However (and this is a huge however), excess and stupidity are entirely opposite… Excessive is consuming one more Soco and Lime than you should have and dancing on the bar… Stupid is wearing a pink plastic penis on your head and mimicking anally assaulting a stuffed bear…

And while I am on the subject, why are the penis displays necessary? Bunnies and heifers, males know what they are… They know what they will be inserting into you after you make them go through a week of flowers, guests, and vows… They don’t need, and more specifically the rest of this city doesn’t need to see you wear one on your head to show us you are getting married… That cubic zirconia on your finger makes that point…

I have said it before, I will repeat it again… I’m not demeaning weddings and if, the night before, the bride to be wants to get crazy, I am fine with that… However, avoid displays that make the rest of us want to throw up… We don’t need your crowns or your sashes or pink plastic penises….

What I could have enjoyed, and I’m assuming the crowd would have enjoyed also, was another three or four sets from Mission 19, who proliferated an already nuclear energy… I had seen Ryan and Joe perform previously and I knew what to expect… Yet, as they reveled in the crowd’s energy, as they stoked that energy, you could view them elevating their performance…

It’s not the song selection or even the vocals that epitomize Ryan and Joe… What makes them special, what sets any band apart, is their personality… As they create energy, consume shots, interact with the crowd, and sing, you sense that their persona isn’t contrived… What they are showcasing on stage isn’t an act… They are this entertaining…

My observation was confirmed within ten minutes of their final song, when Ryan I spoke off stage… Given his “99 Problems” rendition, I suggested (only half-jokingly) that he should sing “Public Service Announcement” when the band returns for Red White and Boom… Ryan (who said on stage several times that he was drunk) proceeded to almost flawlessly rattle off the song… He said afterward it’s a personal favorite, but that’s irrelevant… Anyone with that level of knowledge and skill is remarkable…

Equally remarkable was the man in the spotlight when Mission 19 was not in the spotlight, Lodge Bar Saturday Night DJ Michael… Now, some mixers would see the between sets opportunity as a moment for their own agenda… Michael didn’t and I applaud him… He kept a packed dance floor pulsating with “Single Ladies,” “Poker Face,” and “If You Seek Amy…” There are DJ’s in this city that could learn from him…

As Michael spun his closing selections and the evening concluded, predictably bizarre and yet still entertaining behavior ensued… An apparently disgruntled girl wrote on her receipt “give me better service f&ck&r.” Exactly, what did she believe she would accomplish? If someone is terrible, you leave them a minimal tip… You don’t insult them on your receipt or the next time (and there’s always a next time), they spit in your cocktail…

Then, there was Seth (and no his name isn’t actually Seth, I’m using that because of this scene in Entourage)… With one minute remaining for legal alcohol purchases, he requested a Jager Bomb… He was informed that it was cash only… And he offered one hundred dollars… I’m serious… He offered one hundred dollars for a shot… Ignore for a moment that he was intoxicated (actually plastered is the word)… When he woke up in the morning, he would have had to wrestle with an impossible question… Which was worse, the hangover or the fact that he will now be short on his bills?

With the lights brightened and the crowd exiting the premises, I could finally speak with the evening’s true stars… Mike and Nick, two of the most insightful people I encounter on a weekly basis… Jake, one of the most genuine people I have met since I started this website… Promotions Superstar, bartender, and biscuit Jen Bunny, who I think said five words to me, but yet remained adorable…

The two most notable closing conversations were with (and anyone could have seen this coming) Crown Princess Kadi and Promotions Superstar\Bartender Kattie… Princess and I could talk everyday and yet every conversation with her could last two hours… Her personality is that infectious… Kattie is delightful… Her age exceeds 21, of that I am almost positive, and yet her appearance remains completely scrumptious…

As almost a half dozen conversations concluded, the thoughts of the stars and myself were universal… After an abysmal Friday night, where rain dictated the agenda, Generation One A.M. responded with a provocative, one sentence statement… Allow me to reintroduce myself…

Fiesta Bowl 2009: Lodge Bar (Volume Two)